Your Mom called...

Once again Ii have been missing from Buzznet. But Ii have lots of great news to share and some shocking and kinda weird stuff too.

First things first....
After 8 years of working for the same company and going about as high as someone of my knowledge can go, I decided to resign and quit from working the postion that I was working.
I think next to having kids, this was the biggest decision that I could make. Watching the look on everyones faces as I broke the news to all the people that I have worked with for so long was heartbreaking. I have never seen so many tears shed for me. It was like a part of me had died, or perhaps to them I was dying. To know that they were never going to see my bright and shiny face every day, lol. Just kidding!!

I recently applied for this program that helps put single mothers through college. It was kinda fly by the seat of my pants kind of decision, but I leaped and I hope it was a good leap. I am scared. I have never not worked as an adult and being on the same schedule for the past 8 years is something that is not easy to break yourself from.

I am taking the summer off to spend time with the kids. This is an opportunity that does not happen for people and I am trying to take full advantage of it. I am enojoying the time that I get to spend with them, and I think that they are enjoying the time they get to spend with me as well.

This fall i will be attending school for cosmotology. Something I have always dreamed of doing but never thought that I would get the chance because I started a family so young. I feel very fortunate to have this happen to me, and will not screw and opportunity like this up.

Anyways I am super happy and I hope that everyones wishes and dreams are coming true and where ever you are you are enjoying life.

Thanks and love, Danielle
PS sorry i have been gone, i have new pics up so take a look at my shiney smile

I have had some complications connecting to buzz over the past week of two. I don't know if it's because of the recent changes that have been made to it, or if it was an operator error. But I am back. So someone tell me what has been going on and what have I missed.

 

Much love,

Danielle

These scars behind bars

of pink and purple

yellow and blue!

Of candy coated smiles

all to much to compile

 

Stop the pain stop the hurt

dry my eyes with your lies.

hang me from a rope

watch my dreams go up in smoke.

slice my wrists with your cunning way

take my heart with which you play.

 

Have it all You have it all

don't pick me up as I fall

leave me in this disgusting place

smash your hate in my face.

Let me scream, cry and yell

let me stay in my own hell

There is nothing more you can say

I did it to myself anyway!

So cute. Took the kids to see the movie on Saturday. It was cute I passed out. But I think I may have been just tired. I had a few drinks Friday night and stayed up to watch a movie while eating a sub from Silver Mine. So tastey. I love sammies.

We also saw the Easter Bunny this weekend. Who knew that my son, who loves Transformers, Ninja Turtles and Chuckie Cheese would be so scared. I had to bribe him to sit with the bunny and take a damn picture. My daughter on the other hand. Would take candy from a stranger. Damn girl!! I have had so many talks with her about it. But she don't seem to get it.

Having dinner with the ex tonight. I wonder how many insults he can say in and hour!!

First off, this time change really got to me today. Yesterday it was nice cause it felt like the kids slept in later than normal, which i would think my neighbors downstairs would appreciate.

Second I went to see Penelope. Great movie. I think I should have taken my daughter though. It's one of those " feel good" movies of the year that show little girls that it's ok to be who you are. Which of couse is always a favorite for me. But I especially enjoyed cause I think Jame McAvoy is a HOTFACE! I don't know how tall he is, but I am slightly psycho for him. LOL. And yes height is a huge issue for me.

I attended the movie with the only person I ever go to the movies with, my best friend Efrem, well besides my kids. He enjoyed it as well. Which made me extremley happy cause I dragged him to see P.S. I love you and we were both disappointed in that madness. So he was more pleased with this selection even though I don't think he was looking forward to going.

Then we went to this nice little burger joint on 29th street. They didn't serve fries with the burger, we had to order them seperate. Who does that?

Anyways along with the weather it was a pleasant Sunday. I just wish I could have had one more day off.

Oh also I finished my second book of the Monday, titles The Liars Diary. Nice twist, totally not expecting that. If you are a novel reader. It come highly recommended for a good thriller.

Bye

yesterday I took my son to see his first ever Monster Truck show. It was cool and he had a smile from ear to ear the whole time. Well besides the times he was not trying to punch his sister for ragging on him.

I tried to take some photos from Nose Bleed. But they were not very good. So nothing to show for the day.

My Mom lost her job and wants to come and live with me. For those of you who don't know my mom is 45 going on 25. So her Mom mode is not exsistant. There is none. There never has been. I am glad that I got the maternal part when my kids were born. So I will spend my lunch hour trying to convince her that everything will be fine. And she will find another job.
Wish my luck. I am going to need it!

This past weekend I had to attend what I think was the most morbid baby shower ever.
Now mind you, I think baby showers should be a celebration of life. I think this may have been a celebration of death. Just because you have a child does not mean that your whole life is gonna suck. I mean it takes a couple of months to get use to not coming and going as you please. And also to form the right kind of schedule that you and a baby can survive off of.
Now my ex sister in law must be one of the only women I know that lacks in the personality department. Why she is married and I am not is anyone's guess. I think she must rock in the sack or something.
Anyways this girl is 30, so I should say woman because she is older than me by a couple of years. Back on track. She has been wanting to get pregneant for as long as I can remember. I just think someone who has wanted a child so bad should be so excited over her gifts and the joy of having her friends and the people that love around her.
Not to mention we had it at a Sushi Bar. Let me say that again, a Sushi Bar. Who the hell has a baby shower at a sushi bar.
It's so sad to say but I could not wait to get out off the place. I never wanted to not be some where so bad in my life. And it's so sad, cause I should have been having the best time. Maybe it's just me!

Makes no sense to me.
Thanks for letting me vent.
Love

This week could quiet possibly be the coldest week that I ever experienced in the 10 years that I have lived in Colorado.

No I don't live in the mountains. But the foothills
I thought we were suppose to have global warming. Which was explained to me this morning. Someone said that global warming is suppose to make the hot places hotter and cold places colder. This does not make any sense to me. But I do know that when I go outside. My boogers freeze in my nose.

OH SO GWOSS!

I got birds in my ears, and a devil on my shoulder

It takes more than just telling me
to be who you are
your going to have to show
or you won't get very far

Don't tell me your something your not
it all pans out in the end
you can't be my love
or try to be my friend

I'm tired of the honeymoon stage
and sugar coated smiles
it's all just a phase
and they'll show in they are after awhile

So if you want to be my friend
or maybe something more than that
no reason to pretend
just show me where it's at

 
I never had your heart
I never had you soul
How sad it is
to be the last to know
I'm stealing a line from my favorite band
because that's who you are
a cold corpse
I hope they understand
Your plastic and fake
one huge mistake
and I was last to know

Happy New Year, my buzznet buddies.

 

Resolutions: This is something that I am not to fond of considering 99% of the world wants to lose weight and my gym is over packed this time of year and those peeps totally mess up the rotations. The good thing about that is, next month it will be all over with! The only thing that I look forward too about the new year is Alcohol. Ain't nothing like getting wasted off some booze to celebrate another year.

 

This year though I kept it simple and just hung out with some friends and played poker. I didn't want to attend the normal party to flip a coin and see who gets the couch to crash on. Call me old fashioned, I won't take it personal.

 

So a little pet peeve of mine at the current moment is I am so tired of hearing about Brittney Spears. So the girl is screwed in her head. Woppie, so are most of my friends. But I still love 'em. I just think enough is enough. The family is jacked Ok. Whose isn't, and she gets stalked by the press and runs over someone foot. Hey if you were standing in front of my car, I would run over more than your foot. You asked for it dude. I just wish the madness would go away. That's really all I gots to say about it. ENOUGH, ugh!

I did make a resolution and it was to attend church every Sunday. I have gone astray over the last couple of months. So far 1 out of 1. Nice, 2 points for me!

Blessing in this year. It looks like it's gonna be a long one, for me anywho's!

 

Love!

I just have to let everyone know what an amazing show this was. I know that FOB said this is going to be their last show for a bit, which it should be. These boys work so hard. And have been out there on tour for quite awhile. But when I say that these boys go out with a bang, I mean they go out with a bang.

Lets start off with the lineup in the first place. I don't think we could have a better line up.

Cute is What we Aim For:
Honestly I have to say that I don't know these boys to well. But they delivered and put on a great show from start to finish. I don't know who their bass player is, boy when that boy jumps around he gets some height. I think I am going to have research these boys a bit before I start talking like I know them.

Plain White T's:
My My!I think these boys have come along way. I loved their performance. I could hear the lead singer sing and he sounded just as good live as he does on the Cd. And I enjoyed the whole set of songs they did as well. Great Job for those boys.

Gym Class Hero's:
Need I say more. No really. First off Travis is such a HOTFACE! He looked so pressed up their on stage. And his facial expressions where awesome.  He kept a smile on my face. The way that he would make his eyes and his mouth. He looked Coo-Coo for Cocoa Puffs but still totally do-able. OK OK enough about Travie. There set was great, right down to "Shoot Down the Stars", one of my favorite songs by the way. And when Patrick came out to song "Clothes Off", it was just such a suprise and the crowd went nuts. Two thumps up for GCH!!

Now last but not least
Fall Out Boy:
First I have to say that when I arrived to the arena three hours prior to the show starting and ready to brave the cold, I was suprised to see the parking signs where they allowed parking said "Fallout Boys". I took this completly offensive. I was like are you kidding me they can't even spell the damn name of the band right on some signs. Idiots!
Ok sorry I got off subject there.
So anyone who knows me knows that I love Fall Out Boy. Not above God or my kids, but they come in a very very close third on my list. So when I say that I have been excited for this show, it is completly an understatement. I was freaking out on the inside, but I was trying to hold my composure. And I think that I did a great job.
FOB blew me away. Their show was so amazing and there are no words to express how great it was. I feel truly blessed to be able to have been there. To me there is so much more to FOB than what we see in the media or here through lyrics. I don't know what is about them, I know it's not based on looks. I mean yeah we all know how much Pete can melt a heart with his smile, and Andy is so quiet and shy, well that is what I think anyways. And Patrick is so damn talented, it's insaine! He does have soul. And Joe, well one word, Fro. I think that sums him up and he just lights up the stage.

I don't want to ruin the show for anyone who has not seen it yet. But this was the BEST and I mean BEST show that I have ever seen in my life.

Two thumbs up for all the bands.
Much love, Danielle

So I must say that it has been a bit since I have written anything or posted any poems, but the truth is that I got promoted at work and it seems to take up all my time. And if that is not enough, I still have those 2 small children that need taken care of. No really!

Lets see there is nothing new to report. But I found this new club to hang out in Denver. Actually it's not new, just new to me. Anyways that is where I seem to be spending all this money that they are giving me for the promotion. But I only go every other Sat. so that must tell you something.

I bought tickets to go to the Young Wild Things Tour on Saturday and I must say that I really am very excited for this tour. I put my request for that day and the next day off at work. That's right the show is the day after Thanksgiving. But we don't get those days off. That Friday is black Friday, the biggest shopping day of the year, which also happens to be our biggest shipping day of the year. And let me tell you it is normally manditory for all to work. But since I have been working in this hell for 7 years. I thought just maybe they will let me slide!!

We will see. But if not I feel some foreign illness coming. It's gonna take a couple of months to develop the symptoms. ha ha!

So I watched the VMA's last night. I kinda digged the song by the Tramp, but she looked confused and scared, and was not really lip-syching that well. Give it up Brit. BE a Mom and invest your money. Fame is not everything. I don't get it.

Way to go FOB and GCH. I think I almost passed out for GCH. They looked so happy. And it's good to see someone who really wants it get it. So to all that voted, HELL YEAH!

This is all that I have to report for now, keep chillax'n. It's almost time for Winter. YEAH!

I finally was bored enough to look at pictures of Pete's penis this weekend. Stunning. I had to laugh, I mean he holds it like it's a weapon or something. I suppose it probably is, if used in the correct manner. 

I wonder what drugs he was on, or how many beers he drank to think about taking those pic's. Anyways way to go Pete!!!! It reminds me to never look at myself neked, and not to buy a blackberry!  

Thanks for reading

There are so many other choices that what was the obvious
You could have chosen another one.
Instead of putting us through hell and back
Do you really think you have won?
Do you think you did the best you could?
If you could take it all back,
Do you think you would?

I don't think you have changed
I don't see anything new.
Your life is not rearranged
I still see the same you.

The only difference is deep scares
and wounds that can't be healed.
The fact that no one cares
How do you continue to deal?

With lies and stories, when we know the truth
we weren't the ones who were drunk
We remember our youth.

You were not awake when they snuck into my room
You didn't hear my cries for YOU!
They boys tried to help as much as they could
If they could have saved me I know they would.

You never believed me
How could you not know?
I was to young to know what those were
I had no where else to go.

I don't think that you cared
I think you got in over your head
Nothing happened to you,
I payed for your mistakes instead.

I'll be dammed  if I am anything like you
I would rather slice my wrists.
MY children will never know you,
until you admit what you did!

We were like sisters
always together.
forever, we always said.
I took her on most of my first dates
Why you ask?
So she wouldn't be left out!
Without a doubt
I could trust her with anything
Then he came-
I used him first
and she fell in love.
But he wanted me,
didn't she see?
She thought it was me
Are you crazy?
That was the end,
the end of friends, sisters
Now enemies.
But then,he left you
you need someone to turn too.
What should i do?
I open my arms,
with a warm embrace
That's what friends do.
No matter what they go through.

It's so hard to live this life
not knowing if your wrong or right.
Trying to keep your head up
when living has become so rough.
I know it could have been easy
But I know he never would have believed me.
Nor I believe in him
Some things you just can't forgive.
The words from every fight
you can't take them back and make it right.
They haunt your day dreams
and nothing is as it seems.
It's easy to put on a smile
and love every once in awhile.
But it always goes back as it was before
and easy to walk out the door.
And tell your friends you want to leave
his truth you can't believe.
But you run back to closed arms
and hide behind deep scars.
And hope you will know when enough is enough
and have the courage to be tough.
To know when you walk out that door
you won't return anymore.

The double doors slammed shut behind me and I paused to wipe my tear stained face. I began to run as fast as I could down a path not knowing where it led.
 
I couldn't believe what I was about to do. The tears came harder and faster and had to slow to a walk, not being able to see in front of me. I vowed never to accept the same fate as my mother. But as the white powder substance was put before my very nose, I thought "why not".
 
I mean every one else had done their share, and every time I was offered I declined. But the pressure coming from my boyfriend and best friend was becoming to over whelming to control.
 
And then he was there, my boyfriend, "SHIT", I thought. How long have I been just standing here thinking? "What's wrong", he said. To my surprise sounding more angry than concerned. "I'm fine, just a little shaken", I answered. I knew that he could never understand what I had gone through as a child, to know why I should not even be in this situation. Some people were brought up in homes with both parents available and doing things that normal children can do. I knew that he had come from a loving home, and I the opposite. If I tried to explain the nights that I tried to fall asleep as a young child to loud music, laughter, and drunk men coming in my room at night to take advantage, I surely thought he would think I was crazy. These things are nothing I have ever shared with another person anyways, I would be an emotional wreck, and make the night far worse than what it has already come to be.
 
"Come back to the party, you have everyone freaked out by your total rudeness"! So I swallowed back every tear that I knew would be wasted in front of him, and allowed him to grab my hand. I knew it was the beginning of a very long night so I might as well suck it up and go. What was I to do, and where was I to go. I was in the heart of Denver, in a neighborhood no suitable for a 17 year old girl to be walking around at midnight. It would be easy for me to get lost and predators lurking in the dark to take full advantage. With no one around to hear my cries. Not to mention with all the house looking like a clone of the next even if I wanted to go back I could not tell one house from the next.
 
I gently closed the door behind me, only glancing around to see every ones eyes on me. Staring at me like I was the one who was the freak. But it was true this was a place where I truly was the outcast, no matter what clothes I was in or how I seemed. I didn't want to catch any ones gaze, so I stared at the ground and took a seat next to the window. At this point if the blinds and curtains weren't drawn so tight I might get a chance to look at something else other than the obvious, but asking for light would be asking for trouble. So I began to scrap the black nail polish from my thumb.
 
I had no interest in these people anymore. I can hardly call these people my friends. What sort of attraction do I have in being sucked into their social club. I surely don't belong. And there it was right before my very eyes. My boyfriend was sitting extremely close to my best-friend. They were engaged in a deep conversation, and my eyes were fixated trying to make out what they were saying. I could feel the jealousy rise out of the pit of my stomach. Why am I going  to sit here and watch this. I care for my friend but not if she is going to stab my heart like this. And men will be men, but this is not the guy I can take home to meet mother. (not that I would) I don't know why I am even with him.

And that's when I just blurted it out! "You guys are so lame. You live in- doors and are as white as ghosts. All of you want to party like rock stars but are to paranoid to leave the house". This time I met every ones gaze not backing down from taking my stand. I don't care what these people think of me. I am better than this.  I looked my best-friend square in the eye, "I am going home. You are welcome to come with me, if you like. But not you", I told my boyfriend. "I don't ever want to see your face again"! 

I grabbed my purse and walked out the door, stalling for a moment to see if she would follow. And as I thought, she did not. A smile broke across my face, and my hear felt sad at the same time. I am losing a best friend and gaining so much more. I have never felt so proud. And I made a vow and stuck to my heart and made a great decision.

I have not seen or heard from those people to this day, and can't say that I care!

How could you say those thigs you said to me?
How could you be so cold?
The person you say I am, I could never be
For this drama I am to old.

You say that you know me,
but you really don't.
You think your friends love you,
but do they call you when your broke.

The girl whom you love,
does not feel the same way.
And Angel from above,
but me and her are different like night and day.

So keep thinking your the shit,
your day is coming soon.
And don't call me a Bitch.
it's very easy to replace you!